Remember March? Ahh, the good old days. Those pre-pandemic days when we had so much to look forward to - spring sports, summer, vacation and travel. We were busy every hour of the day and we could anticipate what was happening the next day, the next week, the next month. Things were so good back then.
How often have you found yourself thinking those thoughts?? If we could only go back to March? If we could only return to life before COVID??
Tonight, you are there, and I am here, and this is not the holiday either of us expected nor wanted. But it is what we have. And we've experienced this before, it happened to us at Pesach. Remember? That was the first holiday we had to figure out how to celebrate differently and it feels like we’ve been wandering in the COVID wilderness ever since.
This COVID wilderness journey, I can’t help but think how similar it seems to that of our Israelite ancestors’ journey out of Egypt,
only we have yet to experience a redemptive miracle. Like them, the beginning of our journey, though frightening because of an unknown virus, for some of us it was a little exciting and refreshing as we looked to find ways to fill our newfound time. We baked, cooked amazing meals, did puzzles, some started exercising or doing meditation, and so many of us reconnected with family - sitting down to family dinners with those in our homes as well as reconnecting with those who live far away through regular zoom or facetime calls. And yet, for others of us, even from the beginning, it was a daunting time, because we were home alone or we felt cut off from our family in town who we couldn’t see, for their safety and ours.
Then reality set in. Some of us experienced loss and had to deal with our grief in new and different ways, often with few friends and family around. Some of us had to decide what to do about long awaited life cycle events. All of us realized this journey is going to be longer than any of us expected. Which means, we aren’t returning to our “set” routines anytime soon, and all of us recognize that life isn’t going to look like what we expect or may even want for a while. This is a difficult realization, one that is ripe for negativity and complaining.
For our ancestors about 6-8 weeks in, they began to focus on what they left behind. Sound familiar? They asked, “Why did we leave Egypt? It was so much better than this. There was good food - fish, cucumbers, melons, onions.” They romanticized Egypt, focusing only on the past. They complained, they drove Moses and God crazy, but more importantly they lacked faith - faith in themselves and their ability not only to survive but thrive. Their negative attitude and mindset got them into trouble, which ultimately led to a 40-year wilderness journey!!
I’m going to guess that like me, many of you have had your own moments of negativity and anger during this journey. I can tell you that seminary didn’t prepare any of us for how to be clergy and serve a congregation during a pandemic. And, like so many of you, I’ve had to figure out how to parent during this pandemic, work from home, be a supportive partner, and deal with my family’s disappointments as I deal with my own. And, probably like many of you, I’ve had days where I want to curl up in a ball and just cry or sleep away the days until this is over.
No, this truly hasn’t been the year that any of us expected nor wanted, but I can’t help but think about the fact that our ancestors’ journey in the wilderness didn’t improve until their mindset and their attitude changed. While I believe we have more than a few months of this journey ahead of us, I surely don’t want to wander this COVID wilderness for 40 years because we allowed ourselves to sink into our negativity and despair.
Recently I read a twitter post that said, “2020/5780, you should be asking us for forgiveness!” While funny, that post and so many others lamenting the year have me asking myself, was this year really so bad?? I don’t think it has been, but I also recognize that so many of us are just ok, we’re not great. This isn’t a terrible place to be, but I for one would like to be doing more than just surviving.
Rosh Hashanah not only celebrates a new year, but celebrates the creation of the world, specifically the creation of humanity. On the sixth day God created human beings and imbued us with so much more than any other of God’s creations. We can think, we can create, we can choose, and we can change. Much of this season is about us, individually, recognizing who we are meant to be and what we are meant to be doing in this world. This is the essence of teshuva; it is returning to the best of ourselves. Interestingly enough, COVID caused so many of us to start this teshuva process earlier, although perhaps we didn’t realize it. Think about it, as this COVID journey began many of us were given the gift of time - we were no longer racing from activity to activity because we couldn’t. Instead we filled our time with things we wanted to do or perhaps things we never had time to do. COVID time, has given us the time to think about life - who we are, who we want to be, how we want to fill our time. We’ve been adapting and adjusting as we’ve moved through these long months. And yes, there are the things that we’ve had to cancel, rethink, or experience differently than we imagined, but I bet many of us could say, that some of the most memorable moments of the past 6 months have come out of things or plans that didn’t happen the way we imagined. Yes, we have all experienced loss during this journey, but there is much that we have gained. And yet I wonder, how many of us are missing the moments of blessing because we’re only focused on what we’ve lost?
Hashiveinu Adonai Elecha v’nashuva, Chadeish yameinu k’kedem, return us to You, God, so that we can return, renew our days as before - this prayer is the essence of this season. We return to ourselves, but what does it mean to renew our days as before? Is our tradition suggesting that we should be longing for March, for those pre-COVID days?
Chadeish Yameinu K’kedem - renew our days as before - is often understood as a prayer to return us to the idyllic, perfect world, which in our tradition is the Garden of Eden. For humans, it was a time and a place, where life was seemingly perfect because everything was provided for us. Rabbi Robert Scheinberg offers us a different meaning to these words. He points out that the word kedem has a second meaning; in the biblical text, it is used for the word “east,” as in the cardinal directions, “north, south, east, west.” When Adam and Eve were banished from paradise, the Torah says they were sent mikedem l’Gan Eden, to the east of the Garden of Eden. And what he teaches is that their life - human life - really began east of Eden. Think about it, after being banished from the Garden, Adam and Eve had to begin again. They had to adapt, adjust, and learn how to live life in their new reality. East of Paradise, they developed into themselves - becoming thoughtful, independent human beings who learned how to deal with hardship and challenge.
Chadeish yameinu k’kedem according to Rabbi Scheinberg, “Renew our lives, as you renewed our lives after we were exiled from the Garden of Eden.” Think about it, it was outside of the garden that we became true partners with God, caretakers of the world rather than guests with all things provided. These words are not a plea to return to the perfection of Eden but rather a plea for the ability to renew ourselves, to make our lives better than the moment in which we are living.
Recently I was told, “we need to flip the switch.” We need to flip from the negative feelings we are holding onto because life right now isn’t what we want it to be and flip our mindset to the positive, to recognize that even in this moment of uncertainty there are blessings and silver linings all around us. In so many ways flipping the switch moves us from merely surviving to thriving! Chadesh Yameinu K’kedem - flip the switch - our people have been renewing themselves for millennia. We have experienced wilderness journeys that have tested our faith, tested our resolve and in every instance, we have prevailed. Why? Because over and over we have learned to recognize what is most important and then to adapt, adjust, and keep moving forward. It doesn’t mean that we won’t experience nor remember the negative or experience moments of sadness and disappointment, because we will. But it’s what we do with the negativity, the sadness and the disappointment that has meaning - rather than sitting and wallowing in despair, we look back at the experience, we learn from it, we let it go, and then we move forward with as much chizuk/strength as we can possibly muster.
Chazak v’Amatz, strength and courage, these holy words of Torah have been chosen to guide us, as our theme, for 5781. They are words that have kept our people going when they reached a crossroads or were experiencing uncertainty. Moses was the first to speak them - Chazak v’Amatz - be strong and courageous and keep moving forward!! We have miles to go in this COVID Wilderness journey, but with strength and courage we can move forward doing what we do best - adapting, adjusting, surviving and thriving!
Behind me, you can see our beautiful Torah covers for the season. They are exquisite in their design and the stories they tell. If you look closely at the front center cover, there is a very small letter Bet, for the first word in our Torah, Bereishit.. The Torah takes us step-by-step, day-by-day through God’s act of creating the world. And, with the close of each day, God looks around and says, “This is good.” Think about it - God doesn’t look around and say, “Well this is ok for now, but tomorrow I think I’ll try this or maybe add this to make it better and then it will be good.” No, God stays in the moment – God creates day by day, experiencing and appreciating each day as it happens.
What would it mean during this COVID journey if we stopped each day and recognized it as good?
How might you experience this journey differently if you took it one day at a time, instead of thinking weeks and months ahead?
Tonight, as we enter the year 5781, let us flip the switch and change our outlook.
My prayer for all -
Makor chachayim - Source of life,
Hadesh yameinu k’kedem — Renew our days and Remind us that life is a blessing and living, in the moment, is holy.
Hadesh yameinu k’kedem — Renew our days and Teach us to appreciate this moment in history, which has given so many of us the thing we wish for most, time.
Hadeish yameinu k’kedem - Renew our days and Let us experience the blessing and beauty in the unexpected.
Hadeish yameinu k’kedem - Renew our days and Help us to realize that life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, but about learning to dance in the rain.
Hadeish yameinu k’kedem - Renew our days and give us the courage to dare to dream and the strength to recreate the world, as we can only imagine, a world of blessing, great health, immense joy and enduring peace.
Amen.
